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Alcoholism’s Effect on Families
It hurts more than just the alcoholic

When someone is an alcoholic, the whole family suffers

Alcoholism does not discriminate
Alcoholics can hold any profession and be any race or religion. Many very educated people face this challenge too.

According to US Government surveys, about 14 million Americans, 7.4 percent of the population, have a diagnosis of alcohol abuse. More than one half of American adults have a close family member who has or had alcoholism. About one in four children age 18 or younger have been exposed to alcohol abuse or dependence in the family.
Source: Department of Health and Human Services

Effects start before birth
Family members can be affected differently. If a pregnant woman drinks alcohol, the fetus can also be affected. Fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) is one of the three leading causes of birth defects. It is known as the “preventable tragedy”.

In the United States alone, as many as 40,000 babies are born each year with FAS. This costs our nation about $4 billion annually for health care, developmental disability programs, special education, and other services.

Babies with FAS have damaged central nervous systems. The syndrome often damages a child's physical appearance, too. Victims have difficulties with attention span, learning, judgment, memory, problem-solving, and behavior problems.

Other effects
Parental alcoholism has other severe effects on children. This often includes poor self image, loneliness, guilt, feelings of helplessness, fear of abandonment, and chronic depression. Older children might develop obsessive perfectionism to please the parent. All of this can also lead to problems in school.

Children may not develop strong personal relationships with others. They have been disappointed frequently by an alcoholic parent and fear the same from others.

Adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs) may not realize how many problems come from their alcoholic parents. This may include depression, impulsive behaviors and difficulties with intimacy.

ACOAs are four times more likely to develop alcoholism than someone raised by non alcoholics. They often are unable to deal with stress. Some adult children find themselves in relationships with alcoholics or in relationships that are abusive in other ways.

How family members affect each other
Many experts view the family as one emotional unit. A change in one person's behavior is followed by changes in others. The degree that each person is affected may differ.

Family and marital problems often start from alcoholism. Spouses and children can also contribute to the problem. By refusing to face the problem, they make it easier for the alcoholic to keep drinking. 

"Enablers" unknowingly help the alcoholic by covering up the problem. One example is paying debts caused by someone else's drinking.

What is codependency?
Family members may become codependent. This means they are psychologically dependent on the alcoholic.

To fill feelings of emptiness, a codependent tends to use an alcoholic for identity, value, and well-being. Codependents neglect their own self interest to get along with the alcoholic, neglecting their own needs and desires.

An entire family can be codependent. They seek to keep up picture perfect appearances by hiding the alcoholic’s problems. Rather than deal with the alcoholism or the embarrassment it causes, they may even avoid making friends.

From survival to recovery
When an alcoholic seeks treatment, it is often recommended that the family attends marital and family treatment to improve everyone's well being. Counselors can help reduce tensions in the home. School counselors can help children and adolescents in an alcoholic’s family.

It is often recommended that alcoholics attend treatment or support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous. Other family members can benefit from related groups: Al-Anon, for adults or Alateen, for the children. All these groups are based on the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Being around others who've been in similar situations may calm anger and resentment towards the alcoholic.

There are also alternatives to Twelve Step Programs if the alcoholic decides to go a different route.

Getting more done working together
It’s also good to have accountability partners, sometimes called sponsors or buddies. This is often someone from the group who's further along in their recovery. They share their experience to help you avoid a relapse. Having someone you report to gives an added incentive to stay sober, so even a buddy at your level can be helpful.

In support groups and psychotherapy, the family can realize that someone else’s alcoholism isn’t their responsibility. They can also learn ways to stop enabling alcoholic behavior. All this helps to relieve guilt and provides tools for better communication and social skills.

It's a tough problem but there are plenty of good tools and resources to help you turn your life around: Please see Alcohol and/or Drugs, Alcohol and Related Issues and complete Self-Help Section Guide.


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by Tara O'Donnell, Hearts & Minds intern
Copyrights: Entire website © 1997 - 2007 by Hearts and Minds Network, Inc., This web page - http://www.heartsandminds.org/self/familyalcohol.htm - online July 29, 2007, latest changes July 29, 2007

 

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