Hearts & MindsSM - Information for ChangeSM Domestic Violence What you can do about it

Domestic violence should always be taken seriously. There's no way of knowing if the next attack could be much more violent -- or even deadly.

When under physical attack, be sure to:

• Stay as calm as possible.

• Shield the most sensitive parts of your body, especially your head and stomach.

• When appropriate, call the police for help, preferably without the abuser knowing you are doing so.

• Once the violent episode is over, you may want to contact your emergency department for treatment and evaluation of your injuries, psychiatric assistance and aid in creating a police report. This record may be needed for a restraining order to help prevent the abuser from further harming the abused.

If you are not in immediate danger -- that is, if your partner is an occasional abuser, or if you are unsure whether you are involved in a physically, mentally, or emotionally destructive relationship, here are some general steps to take:

• Familiarize yourself with your state's laws and legal policies concerning  domestic  violence.  For example, how would you obtain a restraining order?  Restraining orders may restrict batterers from gaining custody of their children, or require them to provide financial support for the victim and their children.  For information on New York City's legal procedures; or to research recent cases involving domestic violence, visit: http://www.nyc.gov/html/ocdv/

• Build a support network. Get involved in self-help and advocacy groups, such as S.A.F.E (Stop Abuse for Everyone), the Rural Women Zone, New York City's Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project, the White Ribbon Campaign in Canada, or the Child Witness to Violence Project in Boston.  Find out how others have stopped domestic violence and read stories of survivors -- how people have survived the experience, painful memories and emotional scars.

• Watch the actions of your partner carefully. What sets your partner off? When, where, and how does your partner usually hurt you? Often it's best to move out as soon as you can. However, until you leave, it can be useful to keep a record of your thoughts and observations. Be sure to keep your writings in a secure and private place.

• Think out a safety plan, write it down and review it frequently. Where would you go if you had to leave in a hurry? What phone numbers would you take with you? Teach your children how to contact emergency assistance; develop a distress signal; and make a list of items you would take with you. This plan reminds you that there is hope in seemingly hopeless situations. It also increases your chances of escaping dangerous and unexpected confrontations with your attacker.

That said, it is important to stress that ongoing and occasional domestic abuse can quickly and unexpectedly escalate or turn deadly. Often the best solution is to move out of the situation as soon as you can. It might  be necessary to get a restraining order to prevent  the abuser from hurting you further. The police and advocacy groups can assist you in finding the best -- and safest -- solutions.

Domestic Violence - Why it's serious

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This web page and entire website © Copyright: 1997 - 2007 by Hearts and Minds Network, Inc., photo © 2004 by Bill Blackman 
http://www.heartsandminds.org/self/safeathome.htm - online July 2, 2004,  latest text changes March 31, 2006.

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